Full schedule prediction here
Carolina Panthers
Predicted record: 11-5 #4
Last year’s record: 7-9
Vegas over/under: 8 (over)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
What don’t the Panthers have? They’ve got one of the best QBs in the league, who should be fully healed from his shoulder surgery. They’ve got a top-5, dual-threat running back. They’ve got Bruce Irvin AND Luke Kuechley!! They’ve got a pretty reasonable schedule, and this is an odd-numbered year! That’s what the Panthers live for!
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
Fresh off a shoulder surgery, Cam now has a calf problem. Calf problems ended the careers of both Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck. The receivers lack bona fides outside of Greg Olsen who is retirement age, except his foot which is three billion years old. This team is nothing special in the trenches, which doesn’t have to be a big deal but it is when you’ve got Old School Riverboat Ron Rivera calling the shots. He wants a MANLY team that WINS GAMES by GRUNTING LOUDER that the OTHER GUYS and by SWEATING all over the MUD PIT in the MIDDLE OF THE GRIDIRON.
New Orleans Saints
Predicted record: 11-5 #5
Last year’s record: 13-3
Vegas over/under: 10.5 (over)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
If any team can claim the destiny card this season, it’s New Orleans. They’ve spent the last several years cultivating a What Should Have Been resume to rival the ’90s Buffalo Bills. Sean Payton is hell-bent on getting Drew Brees another ring before he goes, and he’s got the play calling innovations to make it happen. Alvin Kamara and Michael Thomas make opposing defensive coordinators want to walk into Lake Ponchartrain. It seems every year the Saints have the most talented new DB in the league. I’m hoping to draft Jared Cook tomorrow morning in my fantasy league because if you saw what Jon Gruden did with him last year just think what Payton will make of him.
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
Last year Drew Brees’ arm started giving out around week 13, so this year expect that at like week 10. Even if he can get them to the postseason, what about Saints history makes you think they won’t go into Philly and lose 22-20 after the Eagles block and return a PAT with 5 seconds to go? This team’s Can’t Win The Big One curse has only been broken by Peyton Manning’s Can’t Win The Big One curse.
Atlanta Falcons
Predicted record: 11-5 #6
Last year’s record: 7-9
Vegas over/under: 8.5 (over)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
The only thing that’s stopped the Falcons from repeating their record offensive output from 2016 is injuries. The defense is all off IR, Sark is gone, and there are more wide receivers than you can shake a stick at. Atlanta should be considered a super bowl level team that’s just had a few rough years.
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
Steve Sarkesian may not be in charge of this offense anymore, but neither is Kyle Shanahan. The ghost of 28-3 will haunt this team forever. Matty Ice is just Joe Flacco with two eyebrows. Julio will catch 200 passes for 1,900 yards a 1 TD this year. Even when they’re not al hurt the defense lacks pizzaz. Try finding that on the stats sheet.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Predicted record: 6-10
Last year’s record: 5-11
Vegas over/under: 6.5 (under)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
They’ve got Jameis Winston and Bruce Arians in the same building, so I assume every play will be 5 wide all go. Every series will either go sack>incomplete>incomplete>touchdown or sack>incomplete>incomplete>interception.
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
Winston is on his last life, and Arians will totally treat this job like he’s still retired. I don’t even need to analyze the roster or the schedule because Tampa’s self-destruction is just automatic. I could tell you they won’t win the super bowl because their entire offense will be washed out to sea in week 3 when a tsunami hits during a game and sweeps their stupid pirate ship stadium into the Gulf of Mexico and you would think it sounds about right.
Dangersquirrel vs the NFL 