Full schedule prediction here
Chicago Bears
Predicted record: 11-5 #3
Last year’s record: 12-4
Vegas over/under: 9 (over)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
This is a team that would probably have made the super bowl last year if they had just let any random fan in the stands kick the ball for them instead of the kicker they employed. An extremely talented defense is paired with an offense that head coach Matt Nagy uses artfully to cover any deficiencies. Mitch Trubisky threw off the ‘flop’ label with gusto last year and could easily progress even more this year.
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
Is that defense talented, or was it just Vic Fangio’s fear-of-god coordinating that made it seem that way? Trubisky and Khalil Mack are due for regression to their mean, and the running game might find itself a little hollow with Jordan Howard gone, and there are still no receivers of note on the roster. If the league and the first-place schedule and the improved divisional opponents catch up to Nagy and his squad, this promising team could miss the playoffs altogether.
Green Bay Packers
Predicted record: 10-6
Last year’s record: 6-9-1
Vegas over/under: 9 (over)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
The Packers were a powder keg for the last two years. It was clear something had to change. Well, now it has, and we’ll be treated to some top-down reform in Green Bay. The defense is stacked now and the Pack have like 5 good receivers with 162 names between them, and most importantly there’s a young coaching ingenue here to passive aggressively engage in Aaron Rodgers’ power struggles. Rodgers is perhaps the best QB talent of all time, so if he doesn’t have a coach who actively hinders him, there’s no telling what this team’s limit it.
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
There are already some sparks between Rodgers and Matt “the flower” LaFleur, which isn’t inherently a problem, but it hints at the notion that this transfer of power shit is not easy. I’m among those who think every team that tried to hire the new McVay this offseason was barking up the wrong tree. Jimmy Graham is still fool’s gold and I don’t trust that this team has a real running game until they prove it long-term.
Minnesota Vikings
Predicted record: 8-8
Last year’s record: 8-7-1
Vegas over/under: 9 (under)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
Kirk Cousins thrives under good circumstances, which is exactly how I would describe Minnesota’s new offensive line and their preexisting wide receiver corps. Stars like Harrison Smith and Danielle Hunter stud a defense that Mike Zimmer keeps in good shape.
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
That offense has had trouble keeping its shit together for most of the last 5 years, and the defense is actually super top-heavy, so any injuries could just blow this house of cards down. The Vikings’ kicker issues make their ceiling being this year’s Bears. Watch Dan Bailey double-doink the Vikes out of the playoffs against Chicago in the season finale. Just watch it.
Detroit Lions
Predicted record: 6-10
Last year’s record: 6-10
Vegas over/under: 6.5 (under)
Why they’ll win the super bowl:
Hard to find reasons why, really. I mean, weirder things have happened. I guess if they do it’ll have to be because of Matt Stafford? He’ll have to have a bounce back year (I think he will) and Matt Patricia will have to both shave and figure out what his defense is about (I don’t think he’ll do either.) I drafted Keryon Johnson in fantasy last year and he was pretty good sometimes.
Why they won’t win the super bowl:
Johnson was also hurt or absent every time I really needed him. Stafford can progress all he wants but his targets will still be basically just Kenny Golladay and 11 guys not he other team. Of all the saps and lowlifes that have leaked from the New England Assistant Coaching sewer, Patricia is both the least likely and least deserving to find success. Fuck that guy with his own ornamental ear pencil.
Dangersquirrel vs the NFL 