WEEK 2 RECAP 2020

Underdogs: 0-4 (3-6)
Locks: 5-0 (10-1)
Survivor: 2-0 LVR, TB
Brady/Bellichick Breakup Scorekeeper: Point Tom, because the entire world knew to defend the QB keeper on the last play (Bill: 1 Tom: 1)
Title Belt: KC defended from LAC (4 week reign)
Needles: 1-2-1 (1-2-3)

  • CLE over CIN
    The Browns don’t get a lot of chances to look good and the Bengals don’t get a lot of chances to look competitive, so props to both of them. Joe Burrow looks like the real deal, and that’s in a game where he threw over 60 passes, which was like a full season’s workload for Johnny Unitas.
  • PIT over DEN
    We’re fucking cursed. There’s no style points in the NFL so I take no solace in “keeping it close” when we’re dealing with injury issues with Von Miller, Phillip Lindsay, Courtland Sutton, AJ Bouye, Jerry Jeudy, and oh yeah Drew Lock. Our season ended before it began. Maybe it’s a sign.
  • GB over DET
    Remember how last season the Lions trailed the Packers for 0:00 of game time and yet went 0-2? Hilarious.
    Devante Adams got injured in this game so best hope that’s not serious.
  • TEN over JAX
    Jacksonville managed to be tied 30-30 with less than 10 minutes left. They’re gonna be like this all season, aren’t they?
  • SF over NYJ
    The 49ers left in a body bag and somehow the Jets still couldn’t even cover. If Joey Bosa, Jimmy Garoppolo, and/or Raheem Mostert are out for significant time, that would be catastrophic.
    Adam Gase is definitely getting fired midseason.
  • BUF over MIA
    The Josh Allen to Stephon Diggs connection came to life in this game. Miami stayed in it either because they’re scrappy or because the Bills are scrappy without the ‘s’. Might take awhile to really find out which.
  • DAL over ATL
    Nobody gives up a lead like the Falcons. They are the champs. They led 20-0 at one point and 39-24 with 8:00 on the clock. It’s great to have a game where I wish ill on both teams because a mess like the end of this game can happen and I can just laugh. Please replace the onside kick.
  • CHI over NYG
    The Bears won on a goalline stand so I would have had this pick right if Saquon Barkley didn’t lose his leg in the second quarter.
  • IND over MIN
    I was right to not trust Philip Rivers but I would have been even more righter to not trust Kirk Cousins.
  • TB over CAR
    Brady didn’t really look any better but the Buccaneers as a team sure did! Brady leaning on good coaching and supporting cast, now where have I heard that one before?
  • LAR over PHI
    I should have trusted my initial instincts. Sean McVay sans Todd Gurley is a free man.
  • ARI over WSH
    Haskins was indeed a problem, and Deandre Hopkins is a Problem.
  • KC over LAC (OT)
    Fuck you, Chiefs. Can’t even lose right, goddamn. Justin Herbert played this whole game after Tyrod Taylor injured his chest in pregame, and if he had just scrambled for an easy 1st down instead of throwing a pick in the red zone in the 3rd quarter he would have completed the upset.
  • BAL over HOU
    I haven’t even looked at stats or highlights for this game, but I know JK Dobbins did jack shit for me in fantasy.
  • SEA over NE
    No matter how they approach play calling the Seahawks will find a way to give me a heart attack. Feeling good about the Russell Wilson MVP pick since he has more TDs than incompletions so far this year. The Pats are really playing “live fast die young” with Cam Newton, and so far the payoff is pretty damn good.
  • NO LVR
    Yeah I was worried about that.

WEEK 1 RECAP 2020

Underdogs: 3-2 (3-2) [LAR pending] 
Locks: 5-1 (5-1) [PIT pending]
Survivor: 1-0 LVR
Brady/Bellichick Breakup Scorekeeper: Point Bill (Bill: 1 Tom: 0)
Title Belt: KC defended from HOU (3 week reign)
Needles: 0-0-2

  • KC over HOU
    Feeling froggy about drafting Clyde Edwards-Helaire in fantasy, as Connor Orr would say. If the Chiefs are gonna be worldbeaters I demand to benefit at least a little.
  • SEA over ATL
    Stock up on the Jamaal Adams trade and my Russell Wilson MVP pick
  • GB over MIN
    Apparently I am older than every single corner on the Vikings roster, so now I’m mad about that. Don’t look now but Aaron Rodgers looked more like himself than he has in awhile.
  • CHI over DET
    I should have switched my pick when Golladay went down. Is there a better representation of Matt Stafford’s time with the Lions than him hitting a receiver squarely in the hands in the end zone down 4 with less than 10 seconds left and that receiver dropping the ball?
  • WSH over PHI
    I guess I’m not a total idiot.
  • BUF over NYJ
    The Pats are winning the division again, aren’t they?
  • BAL over CLE
    Nothing will ever go right for the Browns. Ever.
  • LVR over CAR
    Looked for a moment like the Raiders would blow this one. What could have been…
  • JAX over IND
    Both Philip Rivers and Gardner Minshew seem to still be exactly who they were last year.
  • NE over MIA
    Cam rushed for 2 TDs and broke the Patriots’ single-game QB rushing record, and the Pats cruised despite having a fumble-touchback that the Dolphins turned into 8 points, so yeah, this will be fun.
  • LAC over CIN
    “‘I just came out to tell everyone this year isn’t gonna be that different. With the notable exception we really won’t have any money. Have a nice night.’
    – Dean Craig Pelton, Greendale Community College”
    – QB Joe Burrow, Cincinnati Bungles
  • ARI over SF
    After flirting with upsetting the Niners twice last season, the Cardinals finally did it, because stealing Deandre Hopkins was a great move and because Jimmy Garoppolo is still the only QB in the league that makes Vance Joseph’s defense look legit.
  • NO over TB
    Fuck that was so satisfying.
  • LAR over DAL
    The Rams’ new branding looks as shitty in action as it did when they unveiled it.
  • PIT over NYG
    Pittsburgh came out rusty but knocked it off by the second half. Unfortunately.
  • TEN over DEN
    That game felt right out of 2019. I guess we’re still repaying the karma that we withdrew in 2015. The Broncos are alone at the bottom of the AFC West because we cannot play football like a normal team.

2019 END OF SEASON RANKINGS

Now it’s time to take into account what teams are looking at doing in the offseason. This is where teams will sit until at least the draft results are in. Kansas City earned the top spot. Pittsburgh always bounces back. Cleveland is always questionable but as the wise Dave Dameshek says, the popular pick for the Team On The Rise is always one year too early. Poor Cincinnati is probably stuck at the bottom of the heap until they can play a game to prove themselves.

SUPER BOWL 54 RECAP

KC 31 – 20 SF
Well, I was mostly rooting for a good game, and we got one. The Chiefs are the first team in the Super Bowl era to come back from 5 double-digit deficits in a season. Three of those were in the playoffs, and all three of those they won by double digits. They were 5-0 in games where they trailed by 10+. Unreal.
I thought it was a meh game most of the way by Patrick Mahomes and wouldn’t have complained if Damien Williams got the MVP, but Mahomes’ handful of incredible plays does also warrant an MVP. Like I’ve said before, I’m happy for Mahomes, and I’m happy for Andy Reid.
Kyle Shanahan and Jimmy Garoppolo will probably never live down this loss. There are so many coaching decisions to second-guess and so many plays to question, especially overshooting Emanuel Sanders wide open for the clincher. But in the end I think KC just earned the comeback.

Now we turn our attention to the only thing more toxic and infuriating than professional football: Election season.

Postseason: 4-7 / 5-5-1 / -$34
Title Belt: KC defended from SF (2 week reign)