WEEK 15 RECAP 2020

Underdogs: 0-1 (28-29)
Locks: 7-2 (64-19)
Survivor: 12-3 LVR, TB, IND, DEN, DAL, NE, KC, PHI, HOU, GB, MIA, NO, MIN, TEN, PIT
Brady/Bellichick Breakup Scorekeeper: Bill got kicked from the playoffs by Tua and Tom made Atlanta his bitch again, so an easy point for Brady. (Bill: 5 Tom: 6)
Title Belt: PHI lost to ARI (1 week reign)
Needles: 0-3-1 (12-22-14) [Threaded-fave covered-dog won]
2020 Matt Millen/Sashi Brown Award Recipient: NYJ (1-13)

Avengers:
Saints, Chiefs, Packers, Steelers, Bills, Seahawks

Justice League:
Jets, Jaguars, Bengals, Chargers, Texans, Broncos, Panthers, Falcons, Patriots, 49ers, Lions

  • Raiders pull a Chargers against the Chargers in OT despite Chargers pulling a Chargers to get to OT
    Marcus Mariota takes over after a Derek Carr injury and does what he does: play one very good game every three years to convince you he’s a good QB. He also threw a hell of a pick to Chris Harris Jr, whose last INT was off Mariota when the Broncos shut out the Titans last year. San Diego should have won in regulation but they can’t hit a kick to save their lives. The Chargers are good for one season-ruining surprise win over a superior division opponent per year, and if it’s not your year you think it’s hilarious, and if it is your year, it’s just miserable.
  • Bills over Broncos
    You know, this shit is just depressing. In life I often expect the worst so that I’m not let down when things go wrong, but my therapist wants me to try and expect good things and accept that feeling sad and let down is better than always feeling like everything’s hopeless. I don’t think she’s ever heard of John Elway. But at least we’re helping eliminate the Patriots.
  • Packers over Panthers
    Aaron Rodgers is now the first QB to ever have 3 seasons with 40+ touchdown passes. Honestly, I like the NFL so much better when he’s good.
  • Titans over Lions
    If you’re naughty Santa will leave a Derrick Henry stiff arm in your stocking. I would be pretty excited by the day Ryan Tannehill had if I was in the fantasy football playoffs.
  • Colts over Texans
    Maybe I should trade for Deshaun Watson on my Madden franchise…
  • Buccaneers over Falcons
    Another total collapse from Atlanta, and it’s hard to know what to even say about what they’re doing at this point. This seems to go deeper than head coach. The team may have to relocate to shake this curse.
  • Dolphins over Patriots
    It wasn’t pretty for 3 quarters, but the Dolphins got poetic justice by being the team to officially eliminate New England. May this day completely reset the tone of the AFC East for years to come, and may Miami wear their throwback uniforms more often.
  • Bears over Vikings
    The Bears might actually be better with Trubisky than without him, which should be illegal. The Vikings have let the Bears take back over their spot on the playoff bubble, which should also be illegal.
  • Cowboys over 49ers
    I switched my pick last-minute and nobody will ever know or care because nobody sees my football content. Shoutout to CeeDee Lamb for one of my favourite plays: the onside kick return TD!
  • Seahawks over Team
    Thank god I can just casually appreciate the Washington Team uniforms now. Again, the franchise is still evil garbage, but they don’t have that damn caricature logo. Seahawks clinch, so the first three teams in the playoffs for the NFC are my faves.
  • Ravens over Jaguars
    Lol I said this would be a surprisingly close one. [Narrator voice] It wasn’t.
  • Jets over Rams
    HUGE win for the Jaguars and the Seahawks! Going 0-16 is hard. There’s been a lot of bad teams in the NFL and there’s a reason only 2 of them have done it. Still, it did feel like the Jets and 2020 were a perfect combination for a winless campaign. How humiliating for the Rams. Never would have guessed.
  • Cardinals over Eagles
    A beautiful fucking shootout and I barely watched any of it. I just don’t have time for football the way I used to.
  • Chiefs over Saints
    The Saints left 5 points on the board when they failed to corral a fumble in the end zone and instead got a safety at the end of the half. They lost by 3. Shaky-is return by Drew Brees. Right back to where we were before he got hurt.
  • Browns over Giants
    The Browns have 10 wins. In one year!! I think from the time I started watching football, it took the Browns 4 years to hit ten wins, and then another 3 years to hit 20. It gives me hope. I may be a failure, but that doesn’t mean I always will be.
  • Bengals over Steelers
    HA! The best thing in the world is the sight of Roethlisberger failing. It can’t really be said that the Steelers were overrated at 11-0 because everyone expected this collapse from them. Maybe not quite to this extent but we all knew the other shoe would drop.

WEEK 15 POWER RANKINGS 2020

The Saints take an ugly hit after losing the #1 seed, the NFL title belt, their NFL-record streak without allowing a 100-yard rusher, a would-be perfect week for my teams, and their dignity.

The Team and the Chicagos move up, the Bears because they like to torment me, and the Washingtons because they are gonna go to the playoffs somehow.

Atlanta and Carolina tumble because I am just exasperated at them.

WEEK 14 RECAP 2020

Underdogs: 3-3 (28-28)
Locks: 5-1 (57-17)
Survivor: 12-2 LVR, TB, IND, DEN, DAL, NE, KC, PHI, HOU, GB, MIA, NO, MIN, TEN
Brady/Bellichick Breakup Scorekeeper: Brady wasn’t exactly impressive in the Buccaneers’ win, but autopilot is way better than getting all but eliminated by the team you shut down in the Super Bowl just two years ago. Point Tom. (Bill: 5 Tom: 5)
Title Belt: PHI won from NO (1 week reign)
Needles: 1-2-0 (12-21-12) [Threaded-fave covered-dog won]
Matt Millen/Sashi Brown Award Finalist: NYJ (0-13)

Avengers:
Saints, Chiefs, Packers, Steelers

Justice League:
Jets, Jaguars, Bengals, Chargers, Texans

  • Rams get revenge over Patriots
    Well, it wasn’t the Super Bowl, but the Rams did get to put their stamp on the death of the Patriots Dynasty. LA’s defense and running game are heating up at the right time to carry Jared Goff further than his talent. Meanwhile the Pats will win fewer than 10 games for the first time since I was a wee lad.
  • Bears over Texans
    Poor, poor Deshaun Watson.
  • Andy Dalton gets revenge over Bengals
    If I was on the Bengals I would not be trying all that hard right now. Neither would the people who actually play for the Bengals.
  • Chiefs over Dolphins
    Oooh yeah, pick off Pat Mahomes again, mmmmmm.
  • Cardinals over Giants
    Another week, another ground shift in the NFC East. Maybe Kyler is healed. Maybe Daniel Jones isn’t.
  • Buccaneers over | |_______________| | —> Vikings
    Vikings kicking squad left like 10 points on the field. Because this team can’t have nice things.
  • Broncos over Panthers
    I’m certainly not gonna overreact to a shaky win over a bad team, but that sure was nice to see. Happy birthday to me.
  • Titans over Jaguars
    The Jags turn over QBs at a near Brownsian rate, I swear to god. Is this an overcorrection from the time they gave Blake Bortles 4 more years than he deserved?
  • Packers over Lions for the 5th time in a row
    Not gonna lie I kinda love that the Packers only let the rest of the NFC North feel any sort of hope for like 1.5 seasons.
  • Colts over Raiders
    Lol Raiders late-season collapse again take a shot.
  • Seahawks over Jets big time
    Such an old-fashioned ass-whooping that Geno Smith got snaps against the team that drafted him. If only beating the pulp out of the Jets meant anything.
  • Eagles over… Saints? No that can’t be right. It is? Fuck.
    FUCK. So much for the Taysom Hill era. This throws EVERYTHING into chaos.
  • Chargers over Falcons
    But like… Is it really over yet? There’s gotta still be time!
  • Washingtons over 49ers
    Washington is gonna make it to 7-9 just to spite me.
  • Bills over the Fucking Steelers
    Hahahahaha FUCK the Steelers.
  • Ravens over Browns
    It’s gotta hurt for the Browns to lose this game, but it’s probably the first time I’ve ever seen these teams play it close because the Browns were good, not because of some fluke like a Ravens injury.

WEEK 13 RECAP 2020

Underdogs: 2-0 (25-25)
Locks: 3-1 (52-16) [BAL Pending]
Survivor: 11-2 LVR, TB, IND, DEN, DAL, NE, KC, PHI, HOU, GB, MIA, NO, MIN
Brady/Bellichick Breakup Scorekeeper: While Tom’s Buccaneers took a rest week (in which their division rival clinched a playoff spot), Bill’s Pats absolutely CLOBBERED the Chargers. It seems unfair to give one of these guys a point while the other sleeps but Bill earned one for sure. (Bill: 5 Tom: 4)
Title Belt: NO defended from ATL (5 week reign)
Needles: 2-2-1 (11-19-12) [Threaded-fave covered-dog won]
Don Shula Award Finalist: PIT (11-1)
Matt Millen/Sashi Brown Award Finalist: NYJ (0-12)

Playoffs:
Saints, Chiefs

No playoffs:
Jets, Jaguars, Bengals, Chargers

  • Browns over Titans with flair
    I predicted the Browns keep it close until the Titans pull away in a ground-out bloodbath, so naturally Baker lit up the Titans and the Browns pulled away early and never let it really be a game.
  • Raiders over Jets but, like… :/
    It took a Hail Mary to Henry Ruggs that the Jets didn’t bother to cover for Vegas to win. Big yikes.
  • Vikings over Jaguars in OT
    It took Minnesota more than 4 frames to take out the Glennons. And their reward? Slotting into the 7 seed.
  • Dolphins over Bengals
    Cincy is a lot scrappier post-Burrow than they were pre-Burrow. I’d say that’s a good sign for next year.
  • Colts over all the Texans except Deshaun Watson
    Watson remains the primary active case against counting wins as a QB stat.
  • Lions over Bears
    I underestimated an interim bump AGAIN.
  • Saints over Falcons
    Doesn’t it just make sense if after the year we’ve had Sean Payton is the one to go all the way? That would make sense.
  • Giants, and I kid you not, over Seahawks
    Colt McCoy. COLT McCOY!!!!! You gotta be FUCKIN kidding me.
  • Rams over Cardinals
    Remember the last time the final NFC playoff spot came down to the Cardinals and the Vikings? It was that last second Hail Mary that kicked the Vikings out.
  • Patriots WAY OVER Chargers
    Offense? Where we’re going, we don’t need… Offense.
  • Packers over Eagles
    This was absolutely supposed to be a cover, especially after Jalen Hurts took over, but then it wasn’t.
  • Chiefs over Broncos but less embarrassing this time
    Shelby Harris is good. We corrected about 70% of the errors we needed to fix to beat the Chiefs.
  • Alex Smith’s bloody leg stump over the non-undefeated Steelers!
    HA! FUCK YOU BEN.
  • Bills over Niners
    Remember how the Shanahan era started with like 20 straight losses where the coaching looked pretty good but the players just weren’t there?
  • Ravens over Cowboys
    What fucking day is it anymore?