Would it be weird to just talk to my new therapist about the Seahawks game this week?
Rrrrrrrrrraidahs over Chargers
I’m a big enough person to find it nice that the Raiders got a big time win in their last nationally televised game in Oakland. I have to begrudgingly admit that at least some of what Gruden and Mayock have done with this roster has, somehow, worked. If they do make the playoffs I hope they go the full mile by taking the division from KC so they can say goodbye to the fans by losing at home to the Bills in the Wild Card round.
Falcons over Aints
Whatever cursed monkey paw made the Falcons and Saints switch bodies, I hope its powers only last a week, and that Marshon Lattimore isn’t out for a long time, and that Drew Brees isn’t too old to keep defenses backed off.
Browns over Bills
I was wrong about the Bills. Their offense really is a problem. When you keep an opponent from scoring on about 25 plays inside the 5 over the course of a game, you should be able to muster enough points to beat them. It shouldn’t have taken the field goal that Buffalo missed. Which, BTW, is a concern in and of itself.
Buccaneers over Cardinals
Nice of both teams to pay tribute to Bruce Arians’ face with their uniform colors.
Titans over Chiefs
Son of a bitch, I knew it. I fucking knew it. Goddamnit. Nobody knows how to throw a win in the garbage disposal like Andy Reid.
Jets over Giants
Not often you get a mutual home game in the NFL. The Giants have to wait another 4 years to try and win the right to the New York market back. These are the rules as agreed upon in the Rutherford Accords.
Bears over Lions
Don’t act too shocked but turns out the Lions are garbage when you replace Matt Stafford with *checks notes* Jeff… Driscoll?
Ravens over Bengals
I’m kind of scared of Lamar Jackson because I know NFL fans don’t have enough good karma built up to deserve him. There is some kind of retribution coming to even the score. Beware.
Dolphins over Colts
Don’t act too shocked but turns out the Colts are garbage when you replace Jake Brisket with *checks notes* Butt… Hoyer?
Steelers over Rams
I should have listened to my instincts! Minkah Fitzpatrick has already justified the trade for him and he’s only been in Pittsburgh for 5 games. Mason Rudolph’s ceiling is probably sneaking a playoff win in Oakland or something. The Rams’ is probably finishing third in their division and losing the last wild card spot to the Vikings.
Packers over Panthers
The refs could at least have called that McCaffrey run at the end a TD so Carolina could fail the conversion and lose by 2 and cover the spread. The Packers might be fools gold but as long as they keep winning entertaining snow games I’m all in.
Vikings over Dallas
I just love all the ways the Cowboys are finding to lose! It’s thrilling!
Seahawks over 49ers
Champagne day! I cannot speak for this game. If you saw it, you understand. If you didn’t, you missed out. Go watch it. It was art.
Underdogs: 2-2 (14-20)
Locks: 1-4 (37-15-1)
Survivor: 7-3 BAL, NE, GB, LAC, KC, CAR, SEA, LAR, DAL, NO
Matt Millen Sashi Brown Award Finalist: CIN (0-9)
Title Belt: BAL defended emphatically from CIN (2 week reign)
Dangersquirrel vs the NFL 