NFL writing and predictions for people who hate the NFL
It’s the Pats and Chiefs, and then everyone else. Things looking pretty good for the Seahawks and almost all of the NFC South. The Browns and Ravens are a lot closer than I had thought. I wish I could put Washington last but at least they want to win games.
Chiefs and Dolphins defend the top and bottom spots respectively. The Lions are the quick risers, as they are technically undefeated and have looked more competitive than the rest of the middle tier. The Chargers and Falcons are quickly putting themselves in early season holes. The Giants + a QB that can play – Saquon = I guess +4? The Ravens lost but they didn’t fall on their faces going from the worst of the worst to the best of the best for competition.
It is hard work not overreacting to kickoff week, but somebody’s gotta do it. Well-earned moves down for the Buccaneers (everything that could go wrong with that offense did go wrong), Jaguars (sorry Gardner), Browns (please actually be bad, that will be so funny), and Falcons (you know you’re allowed to score points, right?). Biggest positives were the Bengals, who actually played like a football team, and the Vikings, who made the Falcons look like chumps. If I could move the Dolphins further into the earth’s mantle I would. And yes, we all know the Patriots looked better than the Saints. Move along, it’s not happening.
POWER RANKINGS:
While I think the Saints won’t have a lot of luck in January, I believe in them going into week 1. Miami stays at the bottom thanks to the ceremonial ejection of Laremy Tunsil. The big movers on this chart are predictable: The permanent downgrade from Andrew Luck to Jake Brisket plummets the Colts 11 spots, the Chargers get docked for lacking Derwin James and Melvin Gordon and Russell Okung, the Seahawks and Texans swap positions like they swapped Jadeveon Clowney, and the Panthers knock on the top 10 just because I went over their schedule and think they’ve got a playoff run in them.
ROOTING INTERESTS:
Fuck the Patriots! Go Broncos! Everything between Philly and Atlanta is really just apathy.
I finally caved and put the Dolphins last even though I doubt they’ll be there by week 3. The Giants vacate that spot thanks to good news about Sterling Shepard’s week 1 status and seemingly improved QB play.
Meanwhile injuries force Washington, San Francisco, and Seattle down the chart. I’m not entirely sure on the Saints being top of the league but I’ll be damned if I’m putting the Patriots at #1 if I don’t have to.
There’s not really anyone I can convince myself is the best team in the league so no change at the top. Maybe some year I’ll settle on where the Buffalo Bills are but until then expect them to move like 5+ spots a week in either direction. And remember as we head into the preseason: for the next 5 weeks, everything is a lie except for injuries.
Dangersquirrel vs the NFL 