Month: December 2021

Chaos!!! Predictable chaos!!!

• Cowboys over Saints 😦
  Dark days indeed. The Saints have tried 3 different QBs this season and none of them do the trick. Big credit to Drew Brees who spent a HoF career listening to people say that you could plug anyone into Sean Payton’s offense and they’d put up 5,000 yards every season.
  
• Buccaneers over Falcons
  Gross.
  
• Cardinals over Bears
  Kyler Murray was out for like a month. The Cardinals dropped one game and went right back to it when he got back. I don’t think there’s a more well-rounded team in the league, somewhat inexplicably.
  
• Chargers over Bengals
  Sometimes I wish this season would just calm down a little. The first season than I would love to have be fewer weeks is instead a week longer? Unfair.
  
• Lions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or should I say, Wions!!!!!!!!!!
  They won! Hilarious! Against the Vikings, which is even more hilarious! And now the Broncos get to play the 1-10-1 Lions, meaning we have to win because that’ll make them 1-11-1. Somehow the Lions are not mathematically eliminated yet? I don’t understand how that could possibly be but apparently the Texans are the only team out of this thing.
  
• Dolphins over Giants
  Someone write an essay determining what happened between the last loss in the Dolphins’ 5-game losing streak, and now.
  
• Eagles still undefeated by Jets
  12-0 all time, 3-0 since I started watching football. That’s comedy.
  
• Colts shut out Texans
  I had Indy’s defense in the game where they made Houston bench Tyrod Taylor for Davis Mills, and I squandered it by being shit at every single other position.
  
• Washingtons over Loss Vegases
  Bubble teams playing games with 2-point margins is the backbone of the league.
  
• Rams over Jags
  Some games should just get cancelled. Like a flex game but it’s flexed into oblivion instead of ESPN.
  
• Steelers over Ravens
  The whole world is questioning John Harbaugh’s decision to go for the winning 2-point conversion. Why do we only accept that move when it’s a Plucky Upstart coach? It was the right move, and the throw was there if anyone bothered to block.
  
• Seahawks over Niners
  And death and taxes. Please never stop being batshit, Seahawks.
  
• 😦
  I knew we were gonna lose to the Chiefs but this was so painful. Held mahomes to his worst passer rating ever, and still wasn’t even competitive. This game needed to be a referendum on the season, and this result should honestly mean the end of the Fangio era.
  
• Lake Effect Wind is a Patriots Fan For Some Reason
  The only thing that could spoil a game so entertainingly destroyed by the weather that Bill Belichick erases the forward pass from history is the Pats taking over the AFC 1 seed spot.

One of the stated goals of expanding both the playoff field and the regular season schedule was to have more time with every team being technically viable. Well, the NFL got its wish, as we are a week past Thanksgiving and somehow every fanbase can still talk themselves into their team as a Super Bowl winner. Not sure how that’s possible for the Lions — I think their razor-thin path to the 7 seed involves at least one tie — but even their 0-10-1 record doesn’t eliminate them. Maybe that’s nice, but I kinda think some fanbases might prefer to be put out of their misery, and I don’t think knowing it’s totally possible I could see a Broncos playoff game is worth knowing that the playoffs will likely feature less and less parity. Just my opinion.

• Bears over Lions
  Lions thanksgiving games are so cursed.
  
• Raiders over Cowboys in THX OT
  Hilarious.
  
• Bills over Saints
  Both my Saints and my fantasy team need Alvin Kamara back pretty bad.
  
• Buccaneers come back over Colts
  I guess it was overachieving for the Colts to be in the lead in the first place, but I can’t believe they choked it away knowing the whole league was rooting for them.
  
• Giants over FailEagles
  Division games are a hell of a drug.
  
• Falcons over Jaguars
  Exactly the kind of game that I would prefer not to have any implications whatsoever.
  
• Jets over Texans
  This one too.
  
• Dolphins over Panthers
  And this, really. Cam… Just.. Yikes…
  
• Bengals kick the shit out of Steelers
  Also hilarious.
  
• Patriots over Titans
  The Titans have broken the record for most players used in a season, and I think that’s an incredible record to break. About half of Tennessee has been part of the 2021 Titans.
  
• Broncos over Chargers!!!!
  We have some kind of mojo over the Chargers. This will be aberrant.
  
• Packers over Rams
  Oof Stafford.
  
• 49ers over Vikings
  Oof Cousins.
  
• Nobody wins Ravens/Browns
  BIG OOF LAMAR AND BAKER.
  
• Washington over Chaos over Seahawks
  Nothing says Seahawks quite like tying the game before halftime by giving up a terrible touchdown but blocking the extra point and returning it for 2, then failing to score again until the final minute only to fail the 2-point conversion, then recovering the onside kick only to have it called back for an inconsequential procedural foul.