Week 15 Results 2021

Ding Dong the Wicked Witch of Duvaaaaaaaaal is dead.

• Chiefs sit back and let the Chargers Charger in OT
  It wasn’t pretty. But it was pretty funny.
  
• Colts out-Patriot the Patriots
  Carson Wentz had 5 completions. Jonathan Taylor should be MVP.
  
• Bills over kickerless Panthers
  I’m sure the kicker was the only reason they lost.
  
• Dolphins over Jets
  Classic backdoor cover by the Jets, but no upset, despite the Dolphins being Perna Cursed during their bye week.
  
• Lions!!!!!!!!!
  It’s art. It’s really just art.
  
• Cowboys over Giants for some reason
  Who watches these?
  
• Titans fall victim to the Perna Curse vs Steelers
  It’s undefeated against teams outside the AFC East.
  
• Texans over Bevell Bumps
  I would have taken the Jaguars if Urabn Meyer hadn’t been fired. I should have stuck with it because the Jags fucking suck.
  
• Bengals send Broncos’ season to the woodshed
  We had to win this game. Even after our QB was knocked the fuck out, we had a shot. And then Drew Lock pulled his usual bizarre turnover, the Bengals avoided fumbling away that fumble thanks to a technicality, and Pat Shurmur’s offense did what it does best: nothing. Good bye, 2021 playoffs.
  
• Niners over Falcons
  Yeah
  
• Packers over Analytics
  A lot happened in this game, including the Packers offense looking unstoppable, and the Packers defense looking completely uninterested in covering Mark Andrews or stopping Bret Hundley or whoever from scrambling, and the Ravens failing a 2-point conversion with the game on the line for the second time in three weeks. Not to be an analytics stan, but if you think it was the wrong choice because it didn’t work, you’re missing the point that overtime was even less likely to end in a win. That’s true whether you ask the numbers or your gut — unless your gut sucks.
  
• Tom Brady can’t do shit against Dennis Allen’s Saints!!!!
  Ha! Fucker can’t do shit! He sucks ass! I would probably have picked the Saints if Sean Payton didn’t get COVID, turns out it doesn’t really matter.
  
• Raiders squeeze one out against Nick Mullins’ Browns
  The 2021 season is finally starting to look like the 2020 season. In a bad way.
  
• Vikings and Bears put on a comedy of errors
  The Justin Field TD down 14 with 0:00 on the clock was not a victimless crime: I lost my fantasy matchup because of it, and now I have to play my father-in-law for last place in the league next week.
  
• Eagles over Washing machines
  Watching Die Hard right now. I probably never will again because it’s such a fucking boring useless movie.
  
• Rams knockout Seahawks
  I hear there were some referee shenanigans in this game but by Tuesday night I absolutely could not bring myself to actually follow a football game. Sorry.