Underdogs: 2-3 (31-35)
Locks: 4-0 (73-21)
Survivor: 14-3 LVR, TB, IND, DEN, DAL, NE, KC, PHI, HOU, GB, MIA, NO, MIN, TEN, PIT, BAL, SEA, CLE
Brady/Bellichick Breakup Scorekeeper: It probably matters a lot to Bill that he swept the Jets even in his Worst Season and gave fans some hope for a brighter future. Of course it probably means more to almost everyone else that Tom Brady tore the Falcons apart to lock the top wild card spot, solidify his hold on the TD record, and hit 40 TDs on the season. Half-point Tom. (Bill: 5 Tom: 8)
Title Belt: SF lost to SEA (1 week reign)
Needles: 2-2-0 (15-25-15) [Threaded-fave covered-dog won]
Avengers:
Saints, Chiefs, Packers, Steelers, Bills, Seahawks, Buccaneers, Colts, Titans, Browns, Ravens, Rams, Bears, Whatshingtons
Justice League:
Jets, Jaguars, Bengals, Chargers, Texans, Broncos, Panthers, Falcons, Patriots, 49ers, Lions, Raiders, Eagles, Vikings, Dolphins, Cowboys, Cardinals, Giants
- Bills demolish Dolphins
Told you Fitz getting COVID was a curse. The Bills are heading into the playoffs with a lot of momentum, while the Dolphins have to still feel unsure about Tua’s future while they hold the #3 overall pick in the draft. We’ve all spent so much time thinking about what a post-Patriots AFC East might look like, and I have to admire the verve with which the Bills have jumped on the opportunity. - Pats over Adam Gase’s sacrificial lambs
Bellichick gets the sweep over the Jets even when his team sucks. Cam Newton almost doubled his season passing TD total in this game. Adam Gase is finally officially out. Somehow it still feels, though, like these teams might duke it out for the bottom of the division again next year. I have more respect for John Elway’s struggle to make the Broncos competitive post-Manning now that I’ve seen what losing Brady did to the Pats. Bill could easily prove me wrong though by bouncing back with a real roster and perhaps a high-end rookie or free agent QB next year, and it’s gotta suck for the Jets to still be under New England’s thumb after the rest of the league has escaped. - Ravens over Bengals
The Ravens are probably a top-3 team in terms of momentum going into January. They rushed for over 400 yards in this game! That’s insane! But they draw Tennessee in the first round, which means a rematch of a rematch. Lots of fun drama for us, lots of stress for Baltimore. The Bengals are keeping their coach, which, sure, fine. - Browns are in the playoffs holy shit
It came down to the wire but the shorthanded Browns beat the Mason Rudolph Steelers to make the postseason for the first time since the second Grover Cleveland presidency. It’s poetic justice that they clinched vs the Steelers, and it’s impressive that they did so in a season where they lost OBJ and Nick Chubb for most of the season, arguably their 2 best offensive players, and where Myles Garrett, their for-sure best defensive guy, got COVID and is having the same post-illness symptoms I am: a difficulty breathing deeply and keeping your body fully oxygenated for athletic activities. It would be incredible for this to be a passing of the torch moment… But these teams meet again in a week for the Real Game, one where the Steelers will really be trying. Yikes. - Vikes over Loins
I’m pissed about this one because I picked the Lions, and everything about my prediction was right EXCEPT I didn’t account for the refs calling one of the most bullshit roughing the passer penalties, turning a turnover on downs around the 15 yard line into a Vikings TD. Fuck you, refs. Justin Jefferson is gonna lose ROTY to Justin Herbert and I think they should just share. - Buccs over Falcons
Hey guess what TOMMY STILL SUCKS YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE - Giants over Cowboys lol
[Obligatory joke about Jason Garrett killing the Cowboys’ playoff hopes in week 17 even when he’s not on the team] The Giants ended the game by running the ball, fumbling with no contact, and recovering somehow by sitting on it, so that’s how things are going there. - Packers over Somehow a Less Likely Playoff Team than the Washingtons
Because nothing says “we are ready for the postseason” like putting up your best reasonably expectable performance and still losing by 19 points to your rivals. - Chargers over Sfeihc
I thought Chad Henne would beat the Chargers but he did not. It doesn’t matter at all, because Anthony Lynn was still fired, meaning there is an extremely talented coordinator/assistant coach out there, and one fewer non-white coaches in the NFL. - Colts over Jags this time
I haven’t seen a single thing with Jonathan Taylor Thomas in it, isn’t that weird? - Saints over Panthers
The Saints don’t really need “players” to win games. - Titans over Texans
My boy Henry did it!!! A 2,000 yard rushing season!!! And despite his 250 yards on the ground it took a 3-point doink at the buzzer for Tennessee to beat a 4-11 team but they DID do it and now they are AFC South champions for the first time since 2008. - Ugh
Look, I didn’t expect the Broncos to win, but giving up a lead like THAT and still covering the 2.5-point spread that I bet (imaginary money) against? That’s just… Not how I wanted to leave the season off. Maybe there’s some juice in this rivalry still, because I hated this. I know keeping everyone together to try and put together a season that’s not doomed from the start is the smart thing to do, but I fear it’s just delaying the inevitable and putting us squarely in the “Von Miller wasting his last several years on disorganized 10-loss teams” territory. - Rams over Cardinals if you believe in that kind of thing
When a game becomes John Wolford vs Chris Streveler, it’s time to pack it up and go home. - Seahawks over 49ers
The Seahawks phoned in 3 quarters and then lazily won the game again, which is exactly the mood you want to take into the playoffs. - Whatthefucks over Trolls
When I picked the Eagles to win, I did not account for the funniest, most Eagles-y outcome, which was them sitting Jalen Hurts to “get a look at” Nate Sudfeld for the second half. I could not be more pleased with this outcome: the Eagles found a way to, with plausible deniability, throw a game just to dick over the Giants. And the Giants are SO MAD ABOUT IT!! Hey New York, if you wanted to make the playoffs, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE WON MORE THAN 6 GAMES!! And the league has to eat this one too, which is comeuppance for their pathological addiction to putting the NFC East on national TV. You wanted a competitive game? MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE LOOKED TO A DIFFERENT DIVISION!! And I don’t think Washington is particularly happy either, because now they have to go try to not get embarrassed by the Buccaneers while giving Alex Smith’s Amazing Collapsible Leg another spin on the world’s most haphazardly-kept turf. Look, my favourite team in the NFC East is and always has been Chaos, and as much as I wanted a 6-10 playoff team, this will do just fine too.
Dangersquirrel vs the NFL 