It was really uncomfortable when my teams played each other, and even more uncomfortable when both of the teams I wanted to win didn’t win. Why do we invest so much energy into results we don’t have any control over? It’s a terrible idea, a scam, a hustle. A conspiracy to sell Bud Light. Well guess what? I will never, ever buy Bud Light.
JAX over TEN
Kinda smug about how hard I called this one. The Legend of Minshew is a bit much but he did play pretty well. The AFC South plot thickens…
GB over DEN
Still no sacks or turnovers. We moved the ball very well. We controlled the clock to an extraordinary degree. And then we shot ourselves in the foot a billion times. It’s pretty frustrating. But hey, the Packers are 3-0 and look like they’re just getting their sea legs! That defense is legit and Aaron Rodgers is still Aaron Rodgers.
BUF over CIN
The Bengals figure to have few opportunities to win this season, and they’ve already squandered two of them. The Bills can breathe a sigh of relief for like half a second and then have a panic attack when they look at all the Patriots’ scores in the last 9 months.
DAL over MIA
Is it weird that this felt like a pretty competitive showing by the Dolphins? Oof, this is gonna be a long season y’all. Rosen was definitely an upgrade. You love to see it.
IND over ATL
The Falcons had six possessions in this game. SIX! And yet still Matt Ryan and Julio Jones managed to rack up enough fantasy points for my opponent to bury my ass in the cold ground. Jake Brisket is the Truth, so write that down.
NE over NYJ
I think Old Bill fell asleep at halftime on this one. The Patriots defense still hasn’t let up a touchdown since regulation time of the AFC Championship. That’s technically 17 quarters.
DET over PHI
Not surprised by this result. The Eagles are gonna be like this for the whole Pederson/Wentz era: a Super Bowl contender that sometimes loses back to back regular season games to middle-of-the-pack teams.
MIN over OAK
Legit shit by Dalvin Cook again. Embarrassment for the Raiders, which usually would be great but since we were embarrassed by Oakland we are now embarrassed again by the transitive property.
KC over BAL
A close scoreline but Baltimore was not actually up for the challenge of the Chiefs. Their defense in particular looked pedestrian. It’s gotta be weird for the Ravens to go from playing nobodies to playing the best team in the NFL. Hard to judge them fairly in either case.
NYG over TB
Daniel Jones comes in, sees Mike Evans record a game’s worth of stats in the first 20 minutes, loses Saquon Barkley, has 2 passing TD and 2 rushing TD, and then Tampa miss a walkoff FG to solidify New York’s 18 point comeback? Sounds about right.
CAR over ARI
Oh okay, fine, I was really fucking wrong.
NO over SEA
Every team has a Moore’s Law game, and this was Seattle’s. Trippy shit all day went wrong. And of course I think we all underestimated Sean Payton’s motivation to prove that he can make this team competitive with Teddy Bridgewater. Never underestimate Payton’s pettiness.
SF over PIT
The fact that the 49ers turned the ball over 5 times and still won tells you a lot about Pittsburgh. Mason Rudolph was only so-so, and Minkah Fitzpatrick was a standout on an overmatched defense.
HOU over LAC
The Texans are the NFL’s most generically-branded team, but Deshaun Watson is one of the most fun players in the league to watch. This Chargers slump is in the dictionary under “regression to the mean.” The AFC South plot thickens…
LAR over CLE
I don’t blame Baker so much. But Freddie Kitchens? Yeah, I blame him.
CHI over WSH
Is Dwayne Haskins starting yet?
Record: 9-7 (28-19-1)
ATS: 9-7 +$26 (28-19-1 +$36)
Underdogs: 2-4 (4-7)
Locks: 5-0 (12-1-1)
Survivor: 3-0 BAL, NE, GB
Don Shula Award: NE, BUF, KC, GB, DAL, LAR, SF
Matt Millen Sashi Brown Award: PIT, CIN, MIA, DEN, WSH
Title Belt: NE defended from NYJ (4 week reign)
Dangersquirrel vs the NFL 